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"Relationship Break Ups- A Lesson in Releasing and Healing"

Jessica Wiggan

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Loving is one of the most strongest emotions that we can feel and experience in our life time. Interestingly enough it is why I believe we were all placed on the planet- to open to love, to suffer because of it (we’ll find our deepest life lessons here), to transcend, to move forward, to choose to share love again and again. 

Love is the main motivation behind the majority of what we do, whether we choose to admit this ourselves or hide the fact from others. As our main reason for doing what we do the hope is that love roots from a place of unconditional acceptance of ourselves and of others with branches that grow outwards to reach the life giving light of intimacy but with that sprouts the buds of vulnerability. Here is where we can find the source of either medicine or poison.

Am I saying that love itself is poisonous? No, absolutely not.
Never.
That is literally never the case. Yes, it feels like it is because when disappointment, misunderstanding, and mismatching happen we are forced to face what feels like rejection.

It is so often that after a break up of a relationship we experience disappointment and anger. Waves of feelings range from extreme sadness to ragingly angry emotions and we can find ourselves cursing the fact that we ever even loved. Heartbrokenness can affect us so deeply in all areas of our lives it is almost embarrassing- We lose the light of day, favorite foods are suddenly tasteless, nothing seems funny or amusing anymore, and it feels possible that we may never laugh, smile, or love again. 

This sounds dramatic to some but for a lot of people “losing love” feels a lot like this and is by no means an exaggeration.

So what do we do to transcend this level of pain so you can move forward and quickly open your heart (*gasp*) to love again? 

For starters, you need to understand that you are just by being yourself so completely loved.

You are SO loved.

In fact, you ARE love.

Love simply radiates from your Being. Love is you from the moment that you were born onto this earth no matter what your outside circumstances are or ever will be. This is something that cannot be erased or washed or taken away no matter you are exposed to or what could possibly happen to you throughout your lifetime. Take a deep breath in the knowledge of this blessing: Because you are love you cannot ever be without it. Simply by being you are worthy of the experience of sharing love with yourself and with others.

Second, recognize and realize that you have not been rejected. Understand that there is a level of protection around you that makes it impossible for bad or negative relationships to stick to you. The harder you or the other person fights this, the worse it will feel. We fight it because we hold on to the memory of the good times or we are fearful that this is our last chance to experience the feelings or chance for a loving relationship. You’ll notice this in relationships where you will have really high highs followed by really low lows. You’ll also notice this in relationships where situations within your relationship don’t seem to improve or things keep getting worse without there being mutual respect or shared love and applied effort. This explains why it doesn’t feel right or “something just feels wrong within the relationship.”

Whether it is you that feels it or the other person, you are being cosmically and spiritually lead away from that who is not right for you to the man or woman who is. Sometimes we feel as though that person is perfect or “the One” and you do not understand why your partner would not feel the same way. This is because they are the ones being guided to redirect their time and energy elsewhere, wherever that may be. This does not make you any less of a person or less lovable or any less special. It just means that you had the chance to experience and recognize the qualities in this person that you will soon find in your perfect match and for that reason the current person is now irresistible. You see, the soul and your intuition will send you clues of traits that you love in the people that you love... and they will also show you the ways in which you are still required to grow and evolve.

However, hold out for the one who has all the pieces of your partner puzzle. The best thing you can do is to speak your truth and to simply, at least for the time being, let go. Believe me, if they are meant to be in your life any longer they will return. There is no such thing as mistakes or wrong turns or bad luck. Everything happens as it should- we live, we learn, we experience, we grow, we move on. 

Third, you’re going to need to release them. This is the hardest and surprisingly best part! I’ve done this many times (too many times to count!) for relationships, jobs, homes, etc. I can not stress to you how important this is to your healing as well as building yourself to be the strongest magnet towards speeding life-giving abundance to you! It works EVERY time. It NEVER fails. If you do it right you will feel it almost immediately or the very next day. 

You will need:

· A candle or fire (jeez guys, be careful with this please! Don’t burn anything or catch yourself or your hair on fire!) or…
· A toilet
·Paper or a notebook
·A writing utensil
·Tissues

Just like in meditation you will want to find a quiet space where you will be uninterrupted for at least an hour and a half or two hours. Maybe light a nice smelling candle, burn some incense, burn sage, clean your space,  or whatever else you feel like you need to do to make the space you’re sitting in special and sacred to you for this moment. This effort that you place in putting energy into finding a safe & comfortable spot is important in creating a sacred space for your healing.

Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. In your mind’s eye envision the person or thing that you need to release as clearly as you possibly can… almost as if they were sitting in front of you in the present moment. That ‘person’ will need to sit in silence because right now this is YOUR time to address everything and tell them how you feel… 

… which is the next step. 

On paper, write down EVERYTHING. Write down in a letter everything that you wanted or want to tell them (whether or not you will ever have the chance to or not. ) Be clear, be honest. This is your time to pour it all out and be completely vulnerable with how you feel, with how you felt, what you thought and think, what you were expecting and how theyhave disappointed you, how much you care, how much you don’t understand, how what they did or didn’t do pissed you off, etc. etc. just keep typing or writing it all in this letter pouring your heart completely out onto paper! Feel free to speak the words out loud as you write.

If you become emotional or angry or start crying- that is fine! Keep writing until you’ve “said” it all and there is no more that needs to be said.

On an energetic and soul level, the person you are addressing this letter to will feel and hear it, without actually having physically heard it. Think of it kind of like when you are thinking of a friend and then a few minutes later they call you. It’s not a coincidence- you were connected and they felt your presence. It’s the same exact thing/energy exchange during your release. 

When you are finished your letter take a deep breath and read it out loud to this person. By this, I do NOT mean that you call them and read the letter (unless you would really like to and it aids in your healing!). Using your third eye, envision them joining your healing circle sitting directly opposite from you and agreeing to listen as you share your letter with them.You will let them know everything- you let them have it! If you cry or yell or get emotional, that is okay! This is your release process and as long as you are not hurting anyone or yourself you are free to do what you need to do to feel better. 

When you are done, dismiss the person and ask them to leave (again, this is in your mind’s eye… or ‘imagination’… whatever you wish to call it.) As they get up and leave, thank them for the time that you've shared and wish them the best. Allow yourself to experience the freedom in forgiveness.
In your last and final step, it is absolutely important that you destroy the letter! This is the fun part! Rip it up into tiny little pieces, burn it (my favorite! I love fire!), flush it down the toilet! Do whatever you want to do to make sure that you completely get rid of it! While you are ripping and destroying say out loud, “I release *insert name here* for my highest and greatest good! I release the stress, anxiety, and pain of this relationship! I completely open myself to the abundance before me and I trust that I will be provided for! I move in faith now and tomorrow. Surround me in healing energy, lift my spirits! Thank you for all that is to come!” 

And then do a happy wiggle dance because you’ve released it all out of your hands and you are free to accept and receive something that will now fit better for you! The next couple days, be generous and treat yourself gently. 

You may still feel moments of sadness or pain- and this is totally find! Remind yourself that you are doing a good job, you’ve made some big changes, and you are open and ready now to receive better!

It is true that sometimes you hear from the person you are trying to release because, again, they feel it on a soul level. Stay strong in your movement forward and exploring what else the universe wants to provide for you!
 

Follow Jessica on Instagram: @BehatiLife

Work with Jessica directly to release, heal, and welcome incredible new beginnings into your life! BehatiLife@gmail.com